Our last full day in China started off a bit rocky. I feel in writing this blog that I navigate a fine line between being considerate of my children's privacy and being honest about some of the difficulties that raising children brings us. This is especially true when it comes to TM. Many people who know my son in real life read this blog and I don't want to color their opinion of him by what I write. But I also don't want to sugarcoat some of his challenges.
He had done pretty well through the whole trip, but something set him off this morning and we still have no idea what. The whole episode wasn't pretty. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say J. and I probably will never show our face in the hotel we stayed in again. I was in tears by the end and we were all a bit shaken. Thankfully A. was with us and was able to take H. on a walk around the hotel during the worst of it.
My son does so well so much of the time. For instance, just the day before, he came running up to me because he wasn't sure I had kissed him yet that day and wanted to be sure he got kissed. But when he is not OK, he is really not OK. Somewhere deep inside he still has so much hurt and pain and anger from everything he has gone through and lost. Did I mention anger? I ache for him, but I am also concerned. We need to do something to help him come to grips with his anger because I fear for the older child/man he will become if we do not get him the help he needs now.
And so we will be seeking out a therapist to help him. I am open to suggestions. We need someone in the Chicago area who has experience with adoption and trauma, who is a Christian, and who doesn't assume the parent is the problem. A therapist who also understand homeschooling and will not try to pressure me to put him in school would be a bonus.
And please pray for my boy. So many people have hurt him so deeply that the pain he feels is enormous. But I know nothing is too hard for God.