We have heard the news the we have an official log-in date: Oct. 24, 2011. This is a big hurdle and now we settle in and wait. It would be wonderful to hear that we have our Letter of Acceptance by Christmas. This would put us on a timeline to travel around March. Of course, I wouldn't complain if it all happened sooner, but I've learned to expect things to take longer, so we're back to not really knowing. (If you're confused by all these terms, here's my adoption lingo explanation.)
As excited as I am to be making this progress, I wouldn't be completely truthful if I didn't also share the anxiety I'm having as a result. The anxiety isn't about what you would expect, either. I know there will be challenges ahead as we integrate H. into our family. I know there will be moments that aren't easy; moments where I wonder what we've done. But there will also be moments of joy and wonder as well. That isn't the source of my anxiety.
No, the source of my anxiety is purely monetary. Usually I'm not one to worry overly about money. (Well, unless it's bill-paying day, but who doesn't worry about it a bit then?) We live frugally and try to be careful with the money we do have. But sometimes things come up that weren't anticipated (or were) and you are left wondering how it is all going to work out. After looking at the travel costs now that we are one step closer and then combine that with our property taxes being due, discovering J.'s car needs a very costly repair that we can't put off, and that our pledge to our church was more than I had been budgeting (I don't know how that happened), things are feeling more than tight.
I don't want to just whine, though. (OK, maybe just for a minute.) I have told enough people this past month that God has always provided what we have needed over the years as our family has grown. Looking back, I can't really explain how it all works except that God has taken care of us. You would think that after years of this I could relax and know things will be fine, but it's hard. I am making an honest attempt to take God at His word and to be thankful in everything... even high taxes and car repairs. I'm trying to remember that seemingly hopeless-feeling situations are God's specialty, and that the problem isn't too big for Him. I'm back to getting to practice the character traits of serenity and fearlessness... again. (My word of warning for all of you? Be very careful in choosing the traits you wish to develop in yourself... because those are the ones you will be practicing again and again.)
So, I will leave you with my pathetic attempt at Pollyanna's glad game. I'm thankful that we live in the house we do (which by it's very nature and location causes the astronomically high taxes) because it was the equity we have in this house which helped us to be approved to adopt H. I'm thankful that J. has a car which he can drive to work and that except for the catalytic converter, is in very good shape. I'm thankful that I even have to worry about travel expenses because there was a time when I thought God had closed all doors to us adopting again. I'm thankful that we have the church home that we do and am happy to give them what we can to help support it.
It's just money, right?