Dear Mr. President,
At a recent town hall meeting, you discovered that a man had 10 children. Since this obviously came as a shock to you, I feel it is time to let the cat out of the bag. You see, he is not the only one. All over this country are hundreds, if not thousands, of families with 8, 9, or 10 children. Some even have more. I'm sorry to have to break the news to you so abruptly, but it's time to come clean about this.
It is understandable that you (and many others) didn't know, because those of us with larger families have been working diligently to keep the information under wraps. We have done our best to blend in with the rest of society. If you saw one of us walking down the street (without our children, of course), you would never guess how many little ones we have at home. We look like everyone else. We have jobs, we own homes, and some of us have managed to collect a variety of degrees from colleges and universities. The females among us even go so far as to wear shoes! (We figured that the whole barefoot-thing would be too much of a tip off.)
And yes, we drive vehicles. But this is where our covert operations got stuck. There is just no way to fit all of our children into a small hybrid car. What were we to do? If we were the only ones driving over-sized vehicles that took a week's worth of grocery money to fill, everyone would find out our secret. We came up with a plan. Somehow (and I'm not at liberty to divulge our methods), we have convinced the American people that driving over-sized, gas guzzlers is a sign of economic prosperity and makes one look important. With so many SUV's on the roads, who is going to pay attention to second hand 15-passenger vans? It is all our fault and we are so sorry.
So there you have it... the whole truth about the large family conspiracy. I suppose it is time for us to try to find a way to stop hiding and begin to integrate our large families into society. It may be difficult for everyone at first. Many people are not used to being around children and do not appreciate them. We will try to be patient as everyone acclimates.
PS--Looking forward to that hybrid van you promised!