J. called me on the phone this morning from work, his tone serious. He told me that he received several Christmas cards in his box, as well as... During his pause, my stomach jumped to my throat, while my brain filled-in 'pink slip' to finish his sentence. But, no, a pink slip was not the other item in the mail. Instead, it was another Christmas card, unsigned, but with a note which said that since we do so much for others, the giver of the card wanted to do something for us. Inside the card was a substantial sum of cash. We both feel overwhelmed by it. And perhaps a bit undeserving as well. For while money is tight for us, that's really all that it is. Tight. J. has a job which pays the bills. We own our home; and even if we have to sell it, we will still have the ability to buy a new one. We have 9 wonderful children. That alone seems to put us in the over-abundance of blessings category.
But, still, I find it difficult to focus on what we have and not worry about what we don't. As I grow spiritually and continue my walk with Jesus, I find the past four years have been a period of God asking me if I really trust Him. Do I trust Him to bring children into our home? Do I trust Him to heal brokenness...both in our children and the brokenness I find in myself as a result of raising those children? And really the crux of it all is do I trust Him to provide for us financially? We have gone from a place where we really did not have to be concerned our finances to a place where I wonder when we call the realtor. But deep down I know it is not really about the house, but do I/we trust God to shelter us and provide for us. I do a lot of praying in the shower...there are fewer interruptions there. And once again this morning I found myself pleading with God to show us what direction we are to take, and wondering how on earth we continue on if things (job/house/income) stay the same. It was not five minutes after exiting the shower that J. called with news of the Christmas gift in his mailbox. I feel it is God saying that He will provide, we may not know what the long range plans are, but God will provide when we need it.
So, to the giver of the generous gift, if you are a reader of this blog, J. and I offer you a heartfelt thank you. Your gift offers far more than than just the financial help it provides. It is a symbol of hope to us that God has not forgotten us and that He hears our pleading for guidance.