Monday, March 31, 2008

Happy Birthday, K!

K. turns 2 today. Never in my wildest dreams did I think he would not be home so we could celebrate with him. I even have a present for him. It actually started out as a Christmas present, but became a birthday present when we realized that he wouldn't be home yet. Surely he would be home for his birthday, right?

Part of me feels such anger over this. He was matched at 7 months, he needs surgery, he has lived in an orphanage for 2 years...2 very important years in terms of development. And I just don't understand why.

This past year of my life has been a spiritual struggle. I have had to repeatedly place the care of K and the timing of his adoption into God's hands. If left up to me, there would have been 7 stockings hanging on our fireplace at Christmas. It all really comes down to whether I trust God or not. Do I trust Him to do what is ultimately for everyone's best, or do I act like a spoiled child and slam the door in God's face and refuse to talk to Him because I didn't get my way? (I'm afraid that the answer is sometimes the second option.) I am learning (notice present tense) to trust God always and to practice rejoicing in everything. It is a very difficult lesson to learn. It takes practice to praise God, even when we don't feel like it. This song, "Blessed be Your Name", by the Redmans, has been incredibly helpful:

Blessed be Your name
in the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name
when I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing You pour out Ill turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name
when the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name
on the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name


Christina said...

I'm so sorry K can't be with you today. The wait is so hard, especially when it feels so very unnecessary. May this week bring you good news at long last.

Anne said...

I so relate to how you are feeling! When we had the I600 delay and Nicholas' health was so uncertain, I really struggled during that part of our wait in similar ways you are describing.

God was so faithful to encourage me and to minister to my spirit during this time. It sounds He is doing the same for you.

A song my youth group sang had the words... "When you don't understand, when you can't see His plan, when you can't trace His hand, trust His heart." I know that you know God's heart. It can be SO hard to put the trust part into practice during an experience like this, but it WILL pass and the joy you will have when your baby is home will be even greater than the pain of the current moment.

Praying for you today! Happy Birthday, K!! Your mommy and daddy are coming to get you as SOON as they can. They love you so much and you are going to have so much fun being a part of such a big, loving family!

Anne (Holt)

StaceynCorey said...

Oh, I'm so sorry you can't be with K. today to celebrate his birthday. I pray you hear good news very, very soon. It's time for him to come home!

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