Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Four Things

Mary at Ethiopia Adoption Blog had a four things meme that I thought I would jump in on. So....

Four Things About Adoption

Four things I thought about adoption when I was a child:

  • That adoption was a normal way to build a family (I had adopted cousins)
  • That I wished my parents would adopt
  • That I fantasized about children being left on our doorstep to raise
  • That I wanted to adopt when I was an adult

Four things I've learned since then:

  • Adoption involves incredible joy and incredible loss
  • It's not the "easier" way to have a child join a family
  • Attachment is hard work...and that attachment goes both ways
  • Love is a choice first and an emotion second

Four things that are hard about adoption:

  • Being at the mercy of governments and bureaucracies
  • That other people don't see my family the same way I do
  • Missing out on the early years of my child's life
  • Not instantly falling in love with my child

Four ways my adopted child has surprised me:

  • How quickly he learned English
  • His unwillingness (or inability?) to talk about his life in Vietnam
  • How much I would melt when he gave me the first real hug
  • How close TM and D would become

Four things I wish everyone knew about adoption:

  • Not all players in the adoption game have the best interest of the children in mind. There are unethical agencies out there....prospective adoptive parents need to do their research.
  • I am the lucky one, not the child
  • That boys are just as desirable as girls
  • Intercountry adoption is the last best choice for a child. Other avenues should be pursued that seek to maintain family and country ties.

3 comments:

Christina said...

You make great lists. I can relate to almost all of this. And that part about TM not talking about VN makes me feel a little better... the only thing Zeeb talks about is the hotel we stayed at together. I still don't know if he truly doesn't remember or if he just doesn't know how to express his memories, or if he's locked them up somewhere in his head/heart...?

Carissa said...

I love that list!

Christine said...

What an awesome list. I might have to steal this idea for my blog. :)

I agree that we are the lucky ones.

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