Four Things About Adoption
Four things I thought about adoption when I was a child:
- That adoption was a normal way to build a family (I had adopted cousins)
- That I wished my parents would adopt
- That I fantasized about children being left on our doorstep to raise
- That I wanted to adopt when I was an adult
Four things I've learned since then:
- Adoption involves incredible joy and incredible loss
- It's not the "easier" way to have a child join a family
- Attachment is hard work...and that attachment goes both ways
- Love is a choice first and an emotion second
Four things that are hard about adoption:
- Being at the mercy of governments and bureaucracies
- That other people don't see my family the same way I do
- Missing out on the early years of my child's life
- Not instantly falling in love with my child
Four ways my adopted child has surprised me:
- How quickly he learned English
- His unwillingness (or inability?) to talk about his life in Vietnam
- How much I would melt when he gave me the first real hug
- How close TM and D would become
Four things I wish everyone knew about adoption:
- Not all players in the adoption game have the best interest of the children in mind. There are unethical agencies out there....prospective adoptive parents need to do their research.
- I am the lucky one, not the child
- That boys are just as desirable as girls
- Intercountry adoption is the last best choice for a child. Other avenues should be pursued that seek to maintain family and country ties.
3 comments:
You make great lists. I can relate to almost all of this. And that part about TM not talking about VN makes me feel a little better... the only thing Zeeb talks about is the hotel we stayed at together. I still don't know if he truly doesn't remember or if he just doesn't know how to express his memories, or if he's locked them up somewhere in his head/heart...?
I love that list!
What an awesome list. I might have to steal this idea for my blog. :)
I agree that we are the lucky ones.
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