tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25502633.post7775438753183615578..comments2024-03-22T14:58:07.239-05:00Comments on Ordinary Time: Positive interactionsthecurrysevenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08932092243753160814noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25502633.post-4939642747220608862013-06-13T07:58:11.182-05:002013-06-13T07:58:11.182-05:00Anonymous -- I'm not a trained professional, s...Anonymous -- I'm not a trained professional, so take this with a grain of salt. It is actually not unusual for a child to be able to do well at school and other places and then fall apart at home. I've seen this with normally developing biological children and it is magnified with children from hard places. They can do it when necessary, but it takes all their resources. When they get home, in a setting that feels relatively 'safe', they relax a bit and that's when things fall apart. On the plus side, he sees you as a safe person, but I know from experience that it is very little comfort sometimes. If it were me, I would try to make the transitions as easy as possible. Discuss with him about ways that could help... a certain routine, what helps him relax, does he need food, quiet time, exercise... sometimes a child in a calm moment can think of things that will help. Also, I find that when I am faced with a situation that routinely goes south, I, myself, become anxious about it as well. I know for a fact that my anxiety will cue my son's. So I try to find ways to lower that so I am not triggering him needlessly. It's a hard road, this parenting, sometimes.<br /><br />ethecurrysevenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08932092243753160814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25502633.post-68996900301397823552013-06-12T21:47:26.477-05:002013-06-12T21:47:26.477-05:00Ok. That triplet thing made no sense. Three sets...Ok. That triplet thing made no sense. Three sets of twins is what I meant! It's late.<br /><br />Blessings,<br />SAndwichsandwichinwihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04947099219933994677noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25502633.post-78548869464798411712013-06-12T21:46:21.002-05:002013-06-12T21:46:21.002-05:00triplets, separated at birth. You, me and our fou...triplets, separated at birth. You, me and our four. Oh, my word. The game. Same scenario here with the same players.<br /><br />Exhausting yes. Must work on more positive interactions. I'm so bad at this.<br /><br />Keep posting. You are such an encouragement to the rest of us.<br /><br />And to the poster who asked about reinforcing bad behavior: I choose the battles I fight. Some things I won't tolerate. The rest is an opportunity to show grace and mercy.<br /><br />Blessings,<br />Sandwichsandwichinwihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04947099219933994677noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25502633.post-80675518482862238742013-06-12T16:22:50.928-05:002013-06-12T16:22:50.928-05:00Thanks again for your thoughtful post. re-wiring ...Thanks again for your thoughtful post. re-wiring my brain seems to be the hardest, it is constant for me when he is home and as you said tiring. My VN boy has his good days and then he seems to decided that since we got along well, he should then sabotage the next day, though I don't think it is a conscious decision on his part, at least not at this point. I still think we are his biggest trauma since he spent his first 5 years with the same foster family and was really integrated into the family. I am not sure how well he will ever bond with me he does better with my husband. He does have have some cognative issues and socially is younger than his 9 biological years, which is where I often get frustrated. I cannot always tell what things he can't remember and what things he chooses not to remember because it came from me. He is much better at controlling himself in school and at karate, so I often think it is a choice he is making to do something or not do something. People of course do not understand my frustration since most of them only see the public person, not the one we live with, who is a little harder to deal with. I have 2 friends who have spent enough time with him to understand my frustration. So I hope for the best and eal with it as best I can though some days are not as good as others. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25502633.post-80749500025054314302013-06-12T12:58:45.561-05:002013-06-12T12:58:45.561-05:00Hi, I really enjoy reading your blog, and hearing ...Hi, I really enjoy reading your blog, and hearing about your family, and I am glad this method is starting to give some positive results with K. The story of paths in our brains has sense, but I am confused (I am not an expert, mind you), because I thought if you reward bad behavior, the child would see it as as sign to keep up with it. I know K.'s bad behavior isn't of the same kind as that of a child who did not experience any trauma and is simply rude/disobedient/etc, that he is not doing it on purpose and that it is much harder for him to change his behavior, but I would still enjoy hearing your thoughts on this.<br />Sorry if made any mistakes, English isn't my native language.Rusulicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16341419485688590754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25502633.post-1817410904017326892013-06-12T10:33:50.970-05:002013-06-12T10:33:50.970-05:00so needed this.... it is exhausting and much easi...so needed this.... it is exhausting and much easier to be on auto pilot :). got home from china two weeks ago and trying to make everything work and keep peace has left me ummmm... numb? tired? thanks for the reminder to get back on track with my troubled/trauma Vietnam girl. love ya even though I don't know ya :)janhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01390897119394514696noreply@blogger.com