tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25502633.post5485662120034852708..comments2024-03-29T01:22:45.705-05:00Comments on Ordinary Time: The courage to get up in the morningthecurrysevenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08932092243753160814noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25502633.post-30818884435254093882013-03-28T22:01:27.936-05:002013-03-28T22:01:27.936-05:00Thanks for your comment, JAT. I am happy to report...Thanks for your comment, JAT. I am happy to report that we have been seeing a therapist who specializes in my son's issues for about a year now. We deal with trauma and not so much with attachment in our home these days. <br /><br />Your advice is correct, that if you feel in over your head, finding a therapist you can work with is a key to healing. But even with a good (or very good) therapist, it's not a magic cure-all. There is a lo to hard work that needs to happen and it can be draining and scary.<br /><br />But sometimes a parent can be so ashamed by what they feel that they literally cannot bring themselves to seek outside help. This is especially true if that parent has only heard the rainbow-and-happy-trees adoption stories. You know the type... love at first sight and happily every after with the more honest ones including a short adjustment period. If this is the only story you hear, than it is very easy to think there is something dreadfully wrong with you as a parent. This is one of the big reasons why I share our journey. Based on my very unscientific study, mainly based on the feedback I receive... either privately or anonymously... the hard stuff is far more common than anyone lets on. And the more common the experience can become, the less likely the adoptive parent in trouble can begin to think about seeking help.<br /><br />So while, yes, I agree with you that there are professionals out there who want to help, seeking help is actually something that people really need to work up to. It is often not the first remedy that is sought.<br /><br />Blessings on your calling in life.<br /><br />e thecurrysevenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08932092243753160814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25502633.post-65329238088130910292013-03-28T20:20:34.772-05:002013-03-28T20:20:34.772-05:00There are a lot of us in the counseling field who ...There are a lot of us in the counseling field who want to help. Some are unaware of the real implication of attachment issues, but many of us are. Don't be afraid to call and ask - talk to specific clinicians. If you don't sense that they are on the same page, move on. But you may be surprised to find that there is more help available than you thought. Most of my fellow counselors/therapists are like me - if we can't help someone, we can refer them to the right people. I specifically changed careers mid-life to work with adoption and attachment issues and am in the process of getting the necessary training before advertising as an attachment therapist. My heart goes out to parents of children with these challenging behaviors as I know you are caught between your own feelings of inadequacy and fear and your heart breaking for the fears your children have that cause them to act this way. J.A.T.http://www.cherithbrookcounseling.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25502633.post-63302087316119123282013-03-09T18:31:59.905-06:002013-03-09T18:31:59.905-06:00Anonymous 1: What this is trying to say is not tha...Anonymous 1: What this is trying to say is not that parents who have only biological children do not experience difficulties, but that there are many parents who turn to adoption after raising biological children with little difficulty. It is very easy to believe that as a parent, you had more than a little something to do with having easy children... pride very easily rears its head. I know, I've been there. And if you think you have the parenting game all figured out, a struggling, traumatized child is that much more difficult to understand and cope with. <br /><br />Anonymous 2: Thank you for your comment. We actually are blessed to have a lot of support. We have a wonderful therapist whom we see weekly and have a wide circle of friends and family who are understanding and sympathetic. I think it is these two things which make it easier for me to be transparent than others may feel they can be. <br /><br />But I agree, support and education can be elusive, and I'm quite sure there are more struggling parents out there than anyone would imagine. Because of my transparency, I think it feels safe for others to share their struggles with me. And I hear from a lot of other parents... many of whom never put a comment on a blog or a fb post. But they are out there and hurting. <br /><br />I will repeat myself again, parenting a child from a hard place is incredibly difficult at times. I really think there are more people out there who want to help, but much of the time our shame and our pride stop us from being honest with others that we need help. Because people are not mind readers! If someone asks you how you are doing and it is a genuine question, don't just say, "Fine," with a smile and then complain that no one ever offers to help you. We are all broken people at some level, and being honest about your situation, whatever it is, is a whole lot simpler and also helps others to know how to help you.<br /><br />ethecurrysevenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08932092243753160814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25502633.post-91319880141121991452013-03-08T18:14:14.735-06:002013-03-08T18:14:14.735-06:00This lack of support (after it was promised) has g...This lack of support (after it was promised) has gone on for a long time. In the 80's I knew of a very loving couple who adopted 2 traumatized boys. This couple did not get the support promised by the agency and the couple were unprepared and literally fell apart emotionally. How is it that there are no available resources for the kids and adoptive parents? Please talk about it so that someone will take up the cause. There are so many resources out there for families,seek them out.Speak up! God Bless you, you are in my prayers to find support.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25502633.post-76995629637317164972013-03-08T15:13:24.497-06:002013-03-08T15:13:24.497-06:00"They have not cared for children who lack ex..."They have not cared for children who lack extreme impulse control and who have problems with boundaries, oppositional behavior, difficulty expressing emotions, and so on." Don't believe this MANY biological children and parents are living this same nightmare,anxiety creates the same sort of experience, and you have nothing to blame but your own genetics. Becoming a prayer warrior, seems to be the only solution.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com