In church on Sunday, the pastor used a quote by C. S. Lewis to illustrate why it is important that the Church be comprised believers being corporately together. It was an interesting discussion, but I was struck by the quote.
"In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets." C. S. Lewis from The Four Loves
This is the closest I have ever come to being able to explain what having many children is like. It is not just that there are many individual people in a large family, but on top of the individuals, there are all the connections between them. Each child brings out something different in each of the other people in the family. Things about that person that might not have been brought out in any other way. Of course, sometimes it happens that these traits are not altogether positive, but mostly they are. We ar…
This isn't what you think it is going to be. In the past couple of days, there was a discussion on one of the groups I moderate about a parent who still didn't feel attached to her adopted child, even after a year and a half. In reply, I mentioned that it took more than twice that amount of time for me to attach to at least one of my children, and that I had some tips I could share that, while they wouldn't solve the problem on their own, could help with the general trajectory. There was enough interest that I thought perhaps it would be of help to a broader audience, so decided to turn my answer into a blog post.
My short list of things that can help the parent attach to the child in adoption... because it is just as likely that attachment issues will be that direction and not just the child towards the parent.
1. Normalize it
If you are struggling with this, know that you are actually perfectly normal. While it might not be something that is as openly discussed as other i…
As I was driving one of my children to work, I had your radio station on and happened to catch the most recent spot by Kendra Smiley. Normally, Ms. Smiley is just fine, and I wasn't expecting anything different this time. I listened as she introduced a letter from a frustrated father about how his son didn't seem to listen to him when he was being disciplined. This frustrated father then went on to ask if his two [emphasis mine] year old was capable of understanding and what he [the father] should do.
I admit, that once I heard the age of the child in question, I chuckled softly to myself (having raised quite of few children past this age), thinking that the response would be to take a deep breath, let the child mature a bit, practice redirection, and not to worry about it. I mean, the child is two... little more than a baby, and still very new to everything.
Since that was my expectation, it is little wonder that I was gripping the steering wheel …