Two years ago today, TM became our son. This is a fairly big milestone for him since he has now been with our family longer than any other placement he had previously. And as he is now 5 1/2, this fact nearly breaks my heart. I hate to think of my boy being moved so often. Is it any wonder he harboured so much anger at being moved to a fifth placement in 3 1/2 years?
It all seems so long ago now, and we were all such different people. TM has become such a delightful boy. The other morning, as I was lying in bed recovering from being in the ER most of the night, I hear running feet going downstairs and TM's voice calling out cheerfully, "Hello everybody! Oh...no one is down here." Can this be the same boy who for months after coming home, would take hours to be able to face the world each day? There were more rages after waking in the morning than I can count. I am not the same person either. I have seen sides of myself, both positive and negative, that I didn't know existed. To live with a child who openly rejects you, can be a difficult thing and I learned how much I depend on the reciprocity of affection in my children. I have also learned that I can harbor great amounts of anger myself. But I have also learned that if I allow God to work through me, I am capable of things I never dreamed I could do. I have felt God's love and support during these two years as I never have before. There was a great quote I heard on the radio this morning that I believe sums up the past two years: that God wants to take us through times of trials into times of testimony. Without the trials, our testimony to God's power is flat and unexceptional.
Safe and good are not always the same thing. The safe thing would have been to have never ventured out onto this path of adoption. We had five beautiful children already, did we really want to take a chance and mess that up? During the darker moments I experienced two years ago, I would have run back to the safe path if I had been allowed to. I'm so glad I wasn't given that chance. The lessons I've learned, the love of God I've experienced, and the son I've gained have far outweighed the struggles I went through. Hallelujah!