The Upside of Virtual Twinning

January 07, 2008

TM and D are considered virtual twins (or like twins...I prefer the former because of my inherent dislike of the word 'like') by virtue of the fact they are less than 9 months apart in age. They just make the cut, though, at 8 months apart. I was somewhat apprehensive about twinning anyone. I had read that it's not suggested because of the effect it can have on the children involved... making them more insecure, more competitive... you get the idea. I'm not going to say that we haven't experienced any of that, because we have. D is very aware of the things TM can do that he can't, and while he's an easy going boy, every so often it gets to be too much. We try to provide a balance of things they do together and things they do apart to counteract this. But there is an upside that is rarely discussed in the adoption literature I've read... and that is how close the two boys are. They are each other's best friend, who will play happily together for looong stretches of time. (That is until one of them hits the other, then they both cry, and eventually end up playing together again.) J and I often wonder what exactly D did with himself before TM came home to be his constant companion. One of the cutest interactions between them happened a couple of mornings ago. TM's latest obssesion has been to learn the alphabet and has spent countless hours writing out the whole thing along with a picture that illustrates its sound. (I'll post tomorrow after he teaches himself to read.) Well, until TM's alphabet craze, letters just had not been on D's radar. He knew they existed, but had less than no interest in them. Now, D is all about the alphabet, but has not caught up to TM's expertise. The other morning, J came across the boys busily writing...TM was teaching D to write the alphabet, sternly correcting him when he wrote something wrong, but giving him huge cheers when D wrote something correctly. So, how horribly would I be abdicating my homeschooling mother's duty if I let TM teach D to read when he's done teaching himself?

Comments

Anonymous said…

My boys are what I call artificial twins. They are both adopted and are about 8 weeks apart. They are either the best of friends or the worst of enemies. The enemy part usually only lasts a few minutes and it's back to being friends. They are only 3 right now, I am praying that their future is the same (being best friends) There is competition, but for the most part it is good because they push each other to learn more. They look totally different and even from different countries but I have had people ask me how I can tell them apart. I just smile and say, "Once you know them, it's not hard".

1/08/2008 11:18 AM

Thankfulmom said…

My girls aren't quiet that close, they are 14 months apart, but they are identical in size and interests so they feel like twins to us. They are one another's constant companions and most of the time it is sweet. The initial adjustment when K. came home was very tough, especially because we thought she was older than she really was, but now I am so glad that they are this close in age.
Lisa

1/10/2008 7:20 PM

AhsMom said…

Thank you for this post. We are right in the middle of trying to decide if we will adopt a boy who is 25 days older than our youngest. There are so many negatives out there, it's nice to read a positive every now and then.

7/12/2008 3:46 PM